my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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