hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
