Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
