Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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