so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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