Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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