Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
