There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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