I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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