I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
