If that was your dad, he is hot
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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