exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
