I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
