He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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