Life is so much better after having sex.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
