Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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