How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
