your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
