since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
