I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
