I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
