Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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