True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
