We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
