told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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