You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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