it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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