hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
