My girlfriend figured out who you are.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
