As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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