Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
