Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
