I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can you bring me the toilet please
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
