i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
