i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
