Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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