I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
