Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
