i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
