Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
