As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
