my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
