I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
