Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
