I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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