Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
