if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
