all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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