**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
