Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
