Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
