What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
