do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
