i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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