remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
