How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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